Absolute disaster Thursday at work.  The company was brought almost to a virtual standstill even though the constant hum of the computers could be heard resonating throughout the office.  Even though the steady whoosh of the air condtioning unit could be felt.  As I passed by my co-workers' offices, people were looking more catatonic than usual in their offices.

The culprit? What could have happened that could affect so many people simultaneously? It wasn't some strange airborne viral disease. No, it was something much worse. It wasn't because of daylight savings time and screwed up biological clocks. It wasn't some company-wide doom-and-gloom memo stating lost profits and earnings. The drop in productivity and billable hours was due to the fact that the on-hand stock of all-you-can-drink soda was completely depleted. So essentially, there was no caffeine to be had anywhere in the building at least for us non-coffee drinkers. Even the less-popular Hawaiian Punch and Country Time Lemonade were all gone - I suppose some people were desperate and took whatever was left.

As one of the touted "perks" for working for the company, we were promised that coffee and soda would be provided free to the employees. In the three years that I had been there, even though soda in the refrigerator would become scarce at times, we always had 12-packs in reserve stocked in the kitchen cabinets. However on Thursday, this was not the case. We had finally reached critical mass and the dreaded state of Running Dry.

Co-worker buddy came by my office around 11am telling me that he was going into caffeine withdrawal. How he made it that long was beyond me. I had been drawing upon my inner reserves of restraint and self-control by that point, trying not to lose it in a spontaneous lashing out of caffeine shutdown. Fortunately for once, by being at the Right Place at the Right Time, I overheard that our computer systems administrator was going out on a Soda Run. "Saving the company again," he said as he walked out of earshot. More like "preventing an all out mutiny", I thought.

Before I found this out however; Co-worker buudy wryly remarked that perhaps this was one of the next series of "changes" in company policy to reduce overhead and pad the coffers of the Higher Ups. I didn't think it was likely, but it sure wasn't improbable either. Most likely, I told him, it was because our company president had been out of town and I knew that his daughter was in charge of keeping the cupboards filled. But I hesitate to think what might happen if they did in fact do away with our Free Drinks.

I walked through the office to spread the news, in case people were getting desperate and about to snap. "Just a few more minutes," I told them, giving them hope to hang on and pull through their withdrawal symptoms. I noticed in many cases that people's hands kept reaching out for the soda that wasn't there. I was about ready to make a run to the nearest 7-11 for the largest Super-Duper-Mega-Big-Gulp of Mountain Dew (or Jolt for that matter) that I could get. Delusions of grandeur filled my head. I would be hailed as a Savior the millisecond before I got trampled under an onslaught of Caffeine-Deprived co-workers.

Fortunately for the company, there was a minority of people whose pleasure was coffee, and not soda, so they kept the company profits from completely hitting rock bottom while the rest of us worked as best we could under those almost inhumane conditions. Taking caffeine away (whether intentional or not) from a bunch of engineers would definitely classify as one of the Surest Ways to Follow Enron Into Bankruptcy. Or it would at least make the headlines as "Employees retaliate against company CEO for Reduction of Benefits."

In order to prevent something as catastrophic as this from ever occurring again, I've decided to keep a backup stash of Coca-Cola under my desk from now on. Even if it means having to replace it every three months for fear of acidus aluminumin meltus asiatic syndrome (translation: acid of the Coca-cola dissolving the aluminum can resulting in a China Syndrome meltdown).