There must be some gene out there that gives us males (*grunt*) this sometimes almost fanatical penchant for all things electronic. You know what I'm talking about. The way us guys are always talking about dolby digital, patch cables, flash drives, subwoofers, and serial ATA drives. Stuff that would make any normal woman turn a blind ear, or is it a deaf eye? Either that or sends them into uncontrollable bouts of rage. It's rare that you find any woman that shows the slightest interest in these high-tech toys that we drool over. In that case, my theory is that they have some sort of genetic defect or mutation. It makes sense.

Just last week at work, Jason came to my office and informed Co-worker Buddy and me that he just got the latest shipment for a computer he was building as a test bed for an upcoming project. The computer itself was going to be built out of the latest-and-greatest parts and be a screamingly fast monster. That's the sort of thing us geeks fantasize about. Other than women who have huge...interests in all things electronic. But he had left the box with all the components up by our secretaries so we high-tailed it up there as fast as we could.

After opening the box, we all dived in & took out the various components - the motherboard, the video card, the Pentium-IV 3.2 GHz processor. To us, it was comparable to finding the Holy Grail. At least I'm sure that's how our eyes looked to guilty bystanders. Immediately we starting extolling the virtues of the Gigabyte motherboard, or mobo as we call it. Not to be confused with the term, "mofo". Saying "mofo" could get you killed in certain locales. Saying "mobo" will just get you strange looks and people probably avoiding you like the plague.

Mind you, we are doing this less than ten feet from all three secretaries in our company. We talked about how the mobo was set up for a RAID array. We discussed the virtues of having serial ATA capabilities. We expounded upon the mysterious ports and sockets and jumpers that we had never seen before. I'm sure we were speaking what sounded like a completely foreign language to the secretaries who ignored us the best they could. I'm positive they thought we were completely insane, acting so giddy like a bunch of schoolgirls. And then the testosterone really began to flow as we unveiled the granddaddy of all heatsinks. Even though the Pentium processor was only the size of a silver dollar, the heatsink had the area *and* weight of a good-sized grapefruit. We remarked how you could easily brain someone with that vital piece of hardware. Next thing you know, you'll see some unsolved mystery on CSI where they find a mysterious heatsink with blood on it and scramble to determine what that item is and who had done the dastardly deed.

After the novelty wore off, we all went back to our offices and had a cigarette while basking in the afterglow. Ok, so it wasn't even remotely as good as sex. But us geeks take what we can get. Especially during office hours.

So what is my latest electronic obsession? Speakers. Lots and lots of speakers. In fact, my obsession with upgrading my home theater speakers has infected another co-worker of mine. He was stricken with the disease so badly that he's already purchased a new home theater receiver and well on his way to ordering the new speakers.

"What??? Aren't you buying a house, Cliff!?!?!?" I can hear all you rabid fans screaming at me now. Yes, yes. We are still buying a house. But as for now, I've kept my obsession under lock and key and it's diminished to a dull ache. The ache of my mind screaming "Nooooo!!" as the speakers fall further and further out of my grasp. However, even as much of a fantasy as the speakers were to begin with, I did manage to receive the WAF, otherwise well-known in electronic social circles as the "Wife-Acceptance Factor," had we had the funds to purchase these speakers.

Co-worker buddy and I had taken a lunch break one day and visited our local high-end audio store. After drooling over the low-end components that we still couldn't even afford, the salesman ushered us into their flagship demo room. In the front of the room was a 114" screen showing Mission Impossible. Flanked on either end of the screens were floor-standing speakers taller than we were. In front of the screen on the floor were multiple center channel speakers that could double as stepstools. Around the rest of the room were speakers that cost more than the value of my car. And the components that drove that exquisite, ungodly sound system were a sight to behold. "The only thing missing," I commented, "was theater-style seats and popcorn." To which the salesman commented, "the seats are on order and I can get you popcorn if you wish." :eeks:

After lifting us into audio heaven for several minutes and causing us to reconsider our marriage vows (not really, sweetie), we decided we needed to return to earth and thanked the salesman for his time. "By the way, how much does this whole system cost," we inquired. He just had to say one number. "60". We picked our jaws off of the floor and tiptoed quietly out of the room, being careful not to breathe on *anything*.

Later that night, I told Jen of that whole transcendental experience, being sure to put the emphasis on the $60k price tag. I didn't know it at the time, but it was part of my whole subconscious strategy to prep her for the speakers I *really* wanted and obtain the WAF. So after letting her digest those extreme numbers for a few days, I casually brought up the speakers I wanted, extolling its virtues - the small cabinet size, the raving reviews it received. And then she asked how much they cost, guessing around $2k. Bingo. I sealed the deal. My plan was complete. Only $300/pair, I told her somewhat sheepishly. "Oh, that's not too bad," she replied. A mental "YES!" I screamed, as I pumped my fist in my mind. Victory was mine. At least for the time being until the guilt of buying a house set in.

Next time you see guys with eyes as big as saucers, please give them a break. We can't help it. That's just the way we were made.

Almost a year ago today: Cantankerous Sores