I've gained a new respect for those people who have passion in their lives. I don't care if it's football, NASCAR, jigsaw puzzles, collecting cow figurines, or whathaveyou. Passion - good. Aimless interests in passing - BAD. My hat goes off to you who have managed to maintain a hobby or interest for a long period of time.

It seems like my writing (blogging/journaling) is just the latest in a long line of my "dis-interests." What I mean are interests that I start off passionately about, almost to the point of fanaticism, and then over a period of time, somehow wane into nothingness.

I look at my friends and family and it seems like each person has always had some hobby or interest that they've managed to keep burning for a significant period of time. Then I look at my own life and see a string of failed interests one after the other. Whether it be cycling, ping pong, reading, Linux, volleyball, computer games, watching Seinfeld, or lately my R/C cars and blogging/journaling, nothing I do seems to last. I always seem to start off highly interested, but over time, my interest in the subject diminishes, and eventually it becomes lost on the side of the trail as I continue to Travel down my Life. Just in this year, my table tennis paddle, my nice expensive cyclocross bike, and my "virtual pen" have all been used profusely and then left to remain unused for some period of time.

I'm still trying to figure out why that is. Is it because I put too much of myself into my endeavors when I'm just beginning and end up burning out? Is it because I have a lack of "staying power" through the dull stretches and give up too early? Or is it because I haven't quite found a hobby or interest that is 100% suited for me, and these are just temporary interests to pass the time with until I find that perfect, ideal hobby? Or is it because I set unrealistic expectations when I start off my new "hobby" (whether objectives, accomplishments, or quantity of involvement) and then become discouraged when I can't meet these expectations?

I see all of my fellow bloggers/diarists who manage to write an entry every day or every couple of days. I watch as my fellow friends watch TV shows religiously or have hobbies they have kept going for years and years. I seethe with jealously at those who can name every player on their favorite football team for the last twenty years. Yes, in some cases, their interests have gone too far and border on obsession. But at least they have one thing I lack - passion. They are passionate about *something* in their life. Whereas I feel like I am wandering aimlessly about, trying out new things unsuccessfully, just wanting to be more than a wannabe.

I think it helps if you have a support network. Better yet, find someone willing to do the same thing and keep each other motivated and "on track." That is why so many people find workout or walking/running/cycling buddies - to keep each other going when they might not feel like it. Perhaps that is part of my problem too - lack of encouragement or motivation. Most of my endeavors have all been attempted on my own - without much support from anyone.

I suppose it's just another one of those things I need to work through and keep going even though people may not be interested in what I am writing anymore. Even if I only get 5 hits a day. I need to remember that this writing is for me, and that everyone goes through the same thing. After all, Rome wasn't built in a day, nor was it built in three months. All these experienced bloggers/diarists have all gone through periods of inactivity - and if they can get through it, I can too. I can't expect my blog/journal to be as popular as theirs when I haven't put in the time or even been around as long as they have.

If you've gotten this far, thanks for putting up with another one of my soul searching expeditions. I know these commentaries aren't exactly the most exciting entries to read, but I feel it's a good spot to purge my bottled up feelings and anxieties.